Today is May 5th. 9 years ago today my Mom died. It was a Wednesday. My Dad called early in the morning to tell me that she had died. I was 19. My brothers were 17, 14 and 7. One of our family friends came over to pick us kids up and drive us to Hospice to meet my Dad and see our Mother (she had been at Hospice since Monday afternoon). My brothers left after an hour or two and I stayed with my Dad. During my mom's illness she had been helped by a group of about 8 friends. They were called "the loop" because when she was first sick she didn't tell anyone except this group of friends who she allowed to be in the loop. Anyway, these friends came down to Hospice together so they could have a chance to say good bye. These ladies were what my Mom considered to be her family as we did not have any family close by. (as a side note, most of them are still around town and are my treasured friends. many of them helped out a lot when I had alexey and check up on me and sit by me in church when Dave isn't there.)
Sunday of that week in 1999 was Mother's Day. We didn't go to church. Monday, May 10th was my Mom's funeral. I have always hated this week (of May 5th and Mother's Day). I especially don't like that May 5th is a holiday - Cinco de Mayo. It is a hard time for me. It has gotten easier over the years. First, it was nice to get married and then have Dave's Mom to remember on Mother's Day as it helped me focus my energy on something productive, specifically, trying to help dave remember to send his Mom a card (and this really does require a lot of energy). Then, it was even better when I became a mother myself and dave is very good at remembering me on Mother's Day. This year on Mother's Day we are blessing Alexey so we will have lots of family in town and enjoy a wonderful day.
Nine years is a long time. It is hard to believe that much time has passed. Time is a great healer but it is also sad to think how much life has been lived without her. In the time since she died I have been married and had my 3 kids. She actually did have the chance to meet Dave before his mission when we were dating our freshman year at BYU. She didn't know we were going to be married but it is nice that she got to meet him. She even wrote him on his mission a few times and sent him some black socks in a package once. She died right about his 1/2 way point on his mission. I guess she may have even met my children before they came to me. I hadn't really thought of that 'til today but maybe Alexey has seen her pretty recently.
Today Alexey is 6 weeks old. You all probably know why that is milestone. Time to take the baby out. Time to start exercising and getting back to full speed. I am pretty sure I have been back to full speed for a while, but now that I've reached that 6 week mark it's official. I always reach this 6 week milestone with half dread because I really enjoy hiding out with the new baby and now I'm expected to be at church, on time, and entirely put together! And, am I put together? Actually, I'm doing great, feeling great and Alexey is great too. She is still super easy. Sleeping most of the time and waking up to eat and look darling for a few minutes before going back to sleep again. It makes for an easy transition to 3 kids.
9 comments:
Denise, thanks for posting that. Your mother must be so proud of you and all that great choices you have made in your life! How great that you get to the see the women in the loop! I am sure they just love to see you and in that see your mom.
hugs to you all week long!
I'm positive your mother must be an incredible woman- from the way you describe her. The past nine years must have been difficult for you and your family and I'm happy to hear that time, becoming a mother, and having Dave's mom have helped to heal the pain {a little}. Those women in the loop sound fantastic, as I'm sure it's comforting to have such caring ladies around to help out (especially with Dave away so often).
I'll be thinking of you all week.
Remember how she made Pete his quilt, and then he didn't like the colors, so she made him a new one? What a little stinker!!!
She was a good mom, and I know that because YOU are such a good mom, and you had to learn it from somewhere. :) She'd be so proud of all her kids. I try to remind Pete of that often.
I love you so much, and I'm glad I'm a Dahlquist now!
Denise, thanks for sharing. I haven't heard a lot about your mother as I'm sure it is difficult to talk about, especially at this time. She raised an amazing daughter which attributes to what a great woman she was. Love and miss you lots!
What a beautiful post, Denise! I'm sure your mom is so proud of you as you raise your great kids and help Dave remember to send Mother's Day cards to his Mom. :)
PS: I'm glad you liked the cookies. I love the dough, too.
What a hard week for you. It made me so sad to think of what your mom has missed out on, but I am sure she is watching. I am glad she got to meet Dave. I teared up a little thinking of her friends in the loop and them taking care of you now. I hope you are able to remember your mom this week and how much you love her. It has been rough for Ben losing his dad and the one year mark is coming up soon. Time does help some, but in someways it makes you feel guilty for not being sad for the loss.
side note: I don't think you need to be put together at 6 weeks. I am not there yet and James is over 2 years old. I am glad Alexey is so good for you -- you deserve it because you are such a great mom.
side note 2 in response to comment on my blog: good luck with trying to start tutoring. It is such a great and easy way to make good money. I found all of my jobs by posting on craigslist so that is one way to get your advertisements out. I am sure there are better ways, but that one has worked for me.
What a beautiful post, Denise. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you'll have a special Mother's Day this year. I'm sure your mom and Alexey must have been very close before your baby girl arrived.
I'd forgotten it was this week. I hate all those death days in our family too. Plus they're all in the winter, it makes Christmas hard.
6 weeks--you do NOT have to be put together at 6 weeks.
I actually found 6 weeks was when it got harder. The baby didn't just fall asleep on cue anymore and with 2 other boys running around and making noise (not to mention we starting remodelling the house--very bad idea) life wasn't too smooth for a while. But then you have 2 girls and only 1 boy, and a lot more space to separate children than I did. So...good luck :)
I don't know why but I was just thinking about your mom today. I was thinking about what an open, vibrant personality she had.
Thank you for sharing such poignant memories--I never knew all the particulars. You really are such a wonderful mother and person and there's no doubt it was because of her.
Post a Comment