real life. "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger"

I post so infrequently I probably don't have any blog readers left. There are 3 reasons I don' t blog much.

1. no time -- 4 kids is busy!

2. dave is on my computer. I have a laptop but I still love my desktop for blogging. It is where all my pictures are. Dave works at home, but he still works hard. Almost always he is up working long past when I go to bed. It is super nice to have him come to dinner if he can and put lex to bed each night and help in other ways.

3. life is hard and I don't very often blog about the tough stuff in life. It's not that I want to appear perfect, it's just that every time I start a post about certain things I feel like I'm whining so I stop and delete.

Today I will write about what is going on. I will start where we are now rather than go back to the beginning ....there might be some gaps or confusion . . .

Calvin. I have written some funny stories and maybe even mentioned that he is a pain in the neck but I've never really disclosed the real challenge that we have with him. I don't mean just Calvin as a person. I love Calvin of course, but I mean whatever it is that makes Calvin difficult. Calvin is "an alphabet child", a child "in the syndrome mix." Two or three years ago if someone would have told me that their child has multiple syndromes I probably would have thought that person was crazy. Now I am that parent! I guess our challenges really are tailor fit for each one of us. I was telling a friend just a few days ago that I sincerely regret not being sweet and humble on my own because this challenge is custom made to make me humble and it is just not fun.

Calvin has ADHD for sure. He also probably has ODD. And there is a pretty good chance he has a couple of other issues coming into play - sensory seeking and processing issues as well. Not to mention he has no endurance and still has major sleep disturbances.

Aside from trying to survive day by day at home, we are now in somewhat of a crisis situation at school. Calvin has trouble behaving in class. He is disruptive and obnoxious. He does not follow directions, he rips up his work when he is mad. Then, when he gets in trouble for the mentioned behaviors and is asked to leave class to cool of he completely melts down and refuses to leave. Usually this escalates to the point of being dragged out of class and b/c Calvin doesn't want to leave class his tantrum continues to escalate until he is kicking and hitting and running away.... and then he is suspended. This has happened 4 times this month. This week we are taking a "medical leave" while we try to let Calvin rest at home. (This is sort of what was happening last year when I eventually pulled him out of school, though last year he never got suspended, he would just get sent home for not being compliant. This year we decided it wasn't a good idea to send him home for being non compliant bc then he would just be able to go home when he didn't feel like being at school...now it has escalated to where he actually has to be suspended to be sent home).

Anyway, it is a very tough situation for many reasons. 1. I feel terrible for Calvin. He really wants to go to school and do well and he is not able to do it. We (the adults in the situation) are not really sure what to do to help him. We have meet at least a dozen times already to try to add support and brainstorm ideas. He did have a good streak of school for about 2 weeks at the end of september but other than that we've had not much luck. 2. I feel terrible for me! I HATE getting those calls from the school. I hate never knowing if I can run errands, go running, take a shower, etc. etc. without having to quit and go get him. I hate not knowing what to do to help him. It is completely humiliating to have a kid behave like Calvin does as I go to church, school, stores, parks, etc. etc. etc. Although, I do think most people in my circle of influence have figured out that Calvin is not just naughty, but that there is something more serious at play and that has changed a few attitudes from judgmental to sympathetic. I have gotten a few emails and phone calls from parents of kids in CAlvin's class who have heard about what is going on offering support and prayers for the family. This is kind of them.

For the homeschool minded people who are thinking, well then why doesn't she just home school? I loved homeschooling and thought it was great but I felt like I needed some extra support in dealing with Calvin and figuring out how to teach him. Since he is so non compliant it is hard to keep up with any curriculum and to stay on top of his learning at home. So, in a way I put some of the responsibility back to the school system to provide him with an education. In some ways this is actually playing to my favor ... because of the severity of the situation we are getting some guidance.

So, there you have it. That is my life. Sometimes it is so all consuming I can barely function. I go through peaks of hope and valleys of despair. But, with a family of 6 (+dan and the dog) the days go by and we just do our best to stay afloat.

I write about it here because it is nice to write sometimes...very therapeutic. Also, a lot of great things that I have learned that have helped me have come from friends or friends of friends. Networking helps me and also, maybe there is something in my experience that can help someone else too.

We are pursuing help wherever we can find it...friends, drs, books, prayers. We have a couple of key dr. appts coming up this month and I am hoping to get pointed in the right direction.

My saving graces:

*Dave being home. He has fielded a lot of those "can you pick up Calvin right now?" phone calls for me so that I can actually do grocery shopping and walking the dog! He has come to many IEP meetings and been around to discuss what to do next.

*dan. We call him "the calvin whisperer." He has helped me so many times. He has watched kids while I go to meetings at school, stayed with Calvin while I do whatever it is I need to do when I thought Calvin was going to be at school but is home now, and occasionally takes calvin on errands to get him out of my hair for a bit. I am not kidding when i say I would be 6 feet under without these two guys.

In other news, JoAnne laughed tonight. It was her first laugh and it was not just a little chuckle it was a full on hysterical laugh! I laughed so hard I cried. It was such a surprise and completely hilarious! I have been thinking lately about what a blessing it is to have little Jo in our family. About a year ago Dave and I decided it would not be a good time to get pregnant since Calvin was needing some extra attention and that we should wait another year before thinking of having another kid. We did not know that we were already pregnant when we made that decision! Looking back and then seeing where we are now, I am so glad we had Jo when we did b/c if we had reached this fall and thought about wanting another child I'm sure we would not have felt this was a good time either. But we sure love having her in the family and it is so great to have a sweet baby around for everyone to love.

Clare is almost 6! She is doing great in school. She loves reading, counting and all the other things she is learning in K. She has a few friends at school and seems very happy.

Lex is in the terrible threes stage. I think she is probably turned a little upside down with the change of having a new baby and then having me be stressed makes me a little less patient and spending so many hours on the phone and at meetings takes some of my attention from her. But she will be fine. ...she is growing and doing great and loving that she gets to go to Joy school with her friends!